It’s been said (as is often said in that way of over-generalizing) that there are two kinds of people in the world, tough-minded people and tender-minded people. Since I’m one of the latter, it seems perplexing to me to see that there are others in the world, others who are often highly visible and societally prominent, who won’t, or simply cannot, understand theirs or others, interior conditions.

Perhaps it works something like this, as we go through life, and especially in childhood, there are phases of our growth and development that alternate like the faces of the moon, light to dark, and back again. A basic premise of psychology is that if we experience a traumatic event, whether a single trauma or an ongoing difficult circumstance, that is too much for us to cope with at any stage of our development, that not only is that experience frozen in our memory, but that a part of us, a part of our personality and our psychological development is frozen there as well. At the same time, it can also be that we are not given the tools (underdeveloped role models, cultural and religious dogma, etc…) to allow us to pass through our various challenges and stages solidly, and onto the next.

So imagine that in any phase of a person’s development, whether light of dark, that some part of us gets stuck there and never progresses through that to the next phase and then to the next. As we grow into adulthood, these phases, like pendulum swings, are supposed to even out and allow us to settle into our adulthood on a more even keel. The important thing to consider is that a well-rounded adult is someone who can give and take in their interactions with others, who is (at least in part) resilient to life’s challenges and assaults, and who is capable of honest self-examination and some level of self-criticism.

When I look around at the world, what I see is that at least a minor part of humanity, the seemly “tough-minded” part, hasn’t reached the full adult stage, and that they are, in one way or another (and more or less), stuck back somewhere in their psychological and emotional development. Now don’t get me wrong, people are all different and certainly this perspective still allows for quite a bit of room in individuality, both personally and societally, but ought to be limits. If a world leader doesn’t like a particular kind of food, that’s one thing, but if he (or she) doesn’t have any understanding of those who are different, and lacks sufficient interest or empathy to inquire into that lack of understanding, doesn’t that speak of the narcissism that actually is a by-product of poor psycho-emotional development?

Psychologically, the flip side of that condition is the neurotic behavior of those who are “too sensitive”, and who haven’t sufficient self-confidence to live their own lives well, let alone, make decisions for others. I’m not recommending that either. Imagine Washington DC full of Woody Allen clones – not a pretty sight, and not one that inspires confidence amongst the populace.

What all this leads me to is the question, where are we, in humanity’s development, that we value those who appear to be tough-minded even if they are psychologically narrow and less than sound in their emotional development? Is it just a question of not being able to tell the posers from the real thing, or is it as much about our own inability to see the forest from the trees because we also live there ourselves?

In the human condition,
powerlessness spurs us to rage
(but so does most of what we do
to gain back that little power).

In the human condition,
religiosity almost never
leads to profound understanding.

In the human condition,
knowledge seldom goes
more than half the
distance to wisdom
(while ignorance is
almost never there).

In the human condition,
belief mixes with uncertainty,
but uncertainty brings anxiety;
so “faith” retreats
behind ornate walls of piety.

In the human condition,
too much of most everything good,
is hardly ever a good thing.

In the human condition,
sorrow square dances with joy,
except for those who won’t step out.

In the human condition,
need is assumed to be
far more prevalent
than other’s ability to fulfill it.

In the human condition,
an able empathy sometimes
asks for anonymity.

In the human condition,
avoidance of suffering
often leads to other’s
suffering.

In the human condition,
a conscience is an excellent
servant, but a terrible master.

In the human condition,
separateness is assumed,
where connection could
easily be discovered.

In the human condition,
character without nurture
is a fleeting austerity.

In the human condition,
culture, belief, technology,
(and what appears to be our self-interest)
shape our life, far more
than we are able
to shape it for ourselves.

(because)

In the human condition,
it is more difficult
to discover your own path
than to accept the path
others provide for you.

In the human condition,
we learn intuitively,
by example and imitation,
far more than we comprehend.

In the human condition,
with Freedom, comes Responsibility
(responsibility for the effects
of our actions on others)

In the human condition,
we only listen,
without bias or judgement,
to those we love,
(and then only sometimes).

In the human condition,
we blame many,
for the words and actions of a few,
and so multiply injustice
instead of subtracting it.

In the human condition,
on the same day,
we may be capable
of both the greatest kindness
and the worst cruelty.

(because)

In the human condition,
strong heads overrule hearts,
(but hearts always end up carrying the weight).

In the human condition,
perception comes with preconception.

In the human condition,
fear of loss often creates greater tragedies
than the loss itself.

In the human condition,
anger is an affliction more
than just another emotion.

In the human condition,
there is far more good than bad,
(but bad is what makes news).

In the human condition,
if you master the rules (including morals),
until they are only at the fringes
of your thoughts and actions,
they will not master you.

In the human condition,
cooperation is the true direction of humanity
(competition is just where we’ve come from).

In the human condition,
confidence is a magnet,
but trust is a compass.

And in the human condition:
Hope mixes with pain;
Tenderness balances toughness;
Selfishness wants its own generosity;
Caring chases indifference;
Cowardice desires courage;
Shame is another affliction
(one that can be shared away);
Ideology is only half the story;
Conformity fears independence;
Desire colors nearly everyone’s truth;
Perfection is an abstraction
(that is never as real as the beauty it upholds);
Experiences are rounder
than most all the words we use to describe them;
Everything nearly is a complete paradox
and a total mystery (if you look at it deep enough);
The universe is still expanding
(in spite of global warming);
And fear mixes with love only as much as we each allow it.

©2008, David B.